October 30, 2007

Dad: I put a potato in the dishwasher.
Shannon: …
Dad: To see if it would cook.
[I couldn't stop laughing]

[over Facebook]
Alex: YOU ARE MY FAVORITE ALSO!!!! hahahaha i throw thigns…
Shannon: lol COMPUTER TO THE FACE!
Alex: hahahaha
Shannon: We need to hangzorz soon
Alex: i agreeith…..AGREE LIKE A FOX! *runs and hides in the corner*
Shannon: TO THE TARDIS!
Alex : lol……. yes. that should be my car’s name. secret awesome name. TARDIS. i will call it that and only you and me would get it…
Shannon: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! it’s blue! but you can’t call it the CARDIS. that’s lame.

October 27, 2007 – 9:48am

*phone rings*
Shannon: Hello?
Derek: Hey Shannon
Shannon: WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY????

[Derek has a tendency to call me before noon on Saturdays. I hate him for it.]

October 24, 2007 – 1am

[over text]
Ben: “So, Shannon. What kind of sexual activities do you most enjoy to take part in? Number one: sex…”
Shannon: lol if it ever got to that I’d give him a look and walk away
Ben: THE WITHERING STARE!
Shannon: It really needs to make a comeback. When was the last time I used it?
Ben: On Mike, in response to “NO FUCKING ON THE COUCH” when we last saw him.
Shannon: Muahaha. Hm. I don’t think I can do it on command. And I burned him good didn’t I?
Ben: Yes, you did. And you do it best when you’re really feeling it.
Shannon: I’m surprised I don’t do it at the Edge more.
Ben: Maybe you’re becoming one of them. That should worry you.
Shannon: JJJJOOOOIIIINNNNNN UUUUSSSSS
Ben: AHH! MY BRAINS!
Shannon: PAAAARRRRKKKKKSSSS AAAAANNNDD RRRRREEEECCCC
Ben: I’d rather die than serve a municipality! VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
Shannon: *rolls over a cannon from City Hall*
Ben: *pulls Nunchucks out of ass*
Shannon: You are Asian, after all.
Ben: You’re more so than me. You don’t have a pair hidden in there somewhere?
Shannon: Two and a Katana, actually.
Ben: No fair. Girls have more hiding places. Boys NEED our boy pockets.
Shannon: Well I don’t exactly keep a wallet in my vagina.
Ben: Of course not. You’ve got a fucking Katana in there.

October 23, 2007 – Ice Skating

Charlene: Oh sorry, my tits hit your face. Can we go on a date?

[over text]
Shannon: DO. HER.
Ben: IN. RENO.
Shannon: WHO. CARES.
Ben: MY. WALLET.
Shannon: ROB. BANK.
Ben: BUT. COPS.
Shannon: SELL. KIDNEY.
Ben: BUT. BLEEDING!
Shannon: EASY. MONEY.
Ben: EARLY! DEATH!
Shannon: EXPENDABLE. ORGAN.
Ben: I’M. ATTACHED.
Shannon: BUT. HER.
Ben: SHE’LL. UNDERSTAND.
Shannon: NUH. UH.
Ben: WHY. NOT?!?
Shannon: SHE’S. AMERICAN.
Ben: I’M. GORGEOUS.
Shannon: YOU. ARE.
Ben: CASE. CLOSED.
Shannon: NO. WAY.
Ben: BITE. ME.

October 19, 2007

Shannon: He’s pretty lazy for someone who climbs mountains and shit.

Meghan: HE’S SUCH A FUCKING PRINCESS!

October 18, 2007

Derek: Tom Cruise is pretty hot.

October 16, 2007

[text]
Ben: That’s right. I went there. And applied for citizenship. To Racistland.

October 07, 2007

Ben: Justin just told me that rewriting “Finding Nemo” to work in Iraq might be worth looking into.

Ben: “Saving Private Nemo”: The Tragic True Story of a Gimped Clownfish Trapped Behind Enemy Lines.

Ben:  You think if I’m writing a book about POW fish, eating in sushi restaurants might be considered a legitimate tax write-off?

Shannon: Ben says Happy Thanksgiving.
Dad: Tell Ben Happy Capitalist Reflection on Family.
Ben: [text] Tell him that’s not what Thanksgiving is all about. It’s REALLY about killing Indians and being thankful that they’re just so damn easy to loot.

October 03, 2007

Shannon: *looks around elevator* I’ve always wondered if there’re cameras in here, cuz sometimes I dance.