June 26, 2008

[at the Matt Good concert]
Ben: He needs to have my babies. 2 of them. But just 2, cuz then it’s kinda gay.

May 08, 2008

Cory: I think I hung up on a deaf person today.
Ben: What business do they have calling you?

[Avril Lavigne song comes on at BP]
Ben: They should have Avril on Rockband.
Chuck: I’d buy that.
Ben: Yeah, 4 people would. You and 3 13-year-old girls.
Cory: No, 2 13-year old girls and someone who bought it by accident.
Ben: Yeah, “Dude, you have Avril Lavigne on your Rockband!” “FUCK OFF!”

Ben: I’ve been watching movies with Chloe lately. She tends to run away though, and lick her bum.
Chuck: [gives Ben a weird look]
Ben: She’s a CAT.

Chuck: When’s the next Rockband night?
Shannon: Saturday?
Chuck: Can’t, that’s the big sex party at my house.
Ben: What about SexBand? I just won’t have sex with anything red or green.
Chuck: Orange and blue are okay though?
Ben: Yeah, blue could be for autoerotic asphyxiation.
Shannon: I think I’m going to move up to the next level… upgrade to Hard.
Ben: I’m still a fan of Easy, myself.

March 28, 2008

Ben: If it makes you feel any better, yours is the only XBOX I’ve had my dick in.

February 29, 2008

Shannon: I’ve been using Anbesol and it numbs the hell out of my mouth.
Eva: Know what else numbs the hell out of your mouth? Blow.

Ben: Happy Sadie Hawkins’ Day. May feminism only rear its ugly head once every 4 years.

Ben: I’ve never had boobs.
Hayley: You should try them, they’re fun!

February 13, 2008

[While watching Mysterious Skin]
Shannon: That kid needs a burger.
Chuck: He really does!
Ben: I’m lost.
Shannon: A burger.
Ben: A what?
Shannon: A hamburger?
Ben: Never heard of it.
Shannon: Ben, what are you eating right now?
Ben: A burger.

Robbie: You almost got arsoned to DEATH!

November 21, 2007

Ben: [over text] …You’re such a woman for someone who feels the need to high-five after a particularly loud burp.

November 14, 2007

Ben: The library. It has books and stuff… it’s like an Amish internet.

November 01, 2007

Oriana: Was it hard and pounding or sweet and soft?

Shannon: I dunno. He’s done her.
Ben: That’s kinda like playing someone else’s clarinet, now isn’t it.

October 24, 2007 – 1am

[over text]
Ben: “So, Shannon. What kind of sexual activities do you most enjoy to take part in? Number one: sex…”
Shannon: lol if it ever got to that I’d give him a look and walk away
Ben: THE WITHERING STARE!
Shannon: It really needs to make a comeback. When was the last time I used it?
Ben: On Mike, in response to “NO FUCKING ON THE COUCH” when we last saw him.
Shannon: Muahaha. Hm. I don’t think I can do it on command. And I burned him good didn’t I?
Ben: Yes, you did. And you do it best when you’re really feeling it.
Shannon: I’m surprised I don’t do it at the Edge more.
Ben: Maybe you’re becoming one of them. That should worry you.
Shannon: JJJJOOOOIIIINNNNNN UUUUSSSSS
Ben: AHH! MY BRAINS!
Shannon: PAAAARRRRKKKKKSSSS AAAAANNNDD RRRRREEEECCCC
Ben: I’d rather die than serve a municipality! VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
Shannon: *rolls over a cannon from City Hall*
Ben: *pulls Nunchucks out of ass*
Shannon: You are Asian, after all.
Ben: You’re more so than me. You don’t have a pair hidden in there somewhere?
Shannon: Two and a Katana, actually.
Ben: No fair. Girls have more hiding places. Boys NEED our boy pockets.
Shannon: Well I don’t exactly keep a wallet in my vagina.
Ben: Of course not. You’ve got a fucking Katana in there.

October 23, 2007 – Ice Skating

Charlene: Oh sorry, my tits hit your face. Can we go on a date?

[over text]
Shannon: DO. HER.
Ben: IN. RENO.
Shannon: WHO. CARES.
Ben: MY. WALLET.
Shannon: ROB. BANK.
Ben: BUT. COPS.
Shannon: SELL. KIDNEY.
Ben: BUT. BLEEDING!
Shannon: EASY. MONEY.
Ben: EARLY! DEATH!
Shannon: EXPENDABLE. ORGAN.
Ben: I’M. ATTACHED.
Shannon: BUT. HER.
Ben: SHE’LL. UNDERSTAND.
Shannon: NUH. UH.
Ben: WHY. NOT?!?
Shannon: SHE’S. AMERICAN.
Ben: I’M. GORGEOUS.
Shannon: YOU. ARE.
Ben: CASE. CLOSED.
Shannon: NO. WAY.
Ben: BITE. ME.