May 08, 2008

Cory: I think I hung up on a deaf person today.
Ben: What business do they have calling you?

[Avril Lavigne song comes on at BP]
Ben: They should have Avril on Rockband.
Chuck: I’d buy that.
Ben: Yeah, 4 people would. You and 3 13-year-old girls.
Cory: No, 2 13-year old girls and someone who bought it by accident.
Ben: Yeah, “Dude, you have Avril Lavigne on your Rockband!” “FUCK OFF!”

Ben: I’ve been watching movies with Chloe lately. She tends to run away though, and lick her bum.
Chuck: [gives Ben a weird look]
Ben: She’s a CAT.

Chuck: When’s the next Rockband night?
Shannon: Saturday?
Chuck: Can’t, that’s the big sex party at my house.
Ben: What about SexBand? I just won’t have sex with anything red or green.
Chuck: Orange and blue are okay though?
Ben: Yeah, blue could be for autoerotic asphyxiation.
Shannon: I think I’m going to move up to the next level… upgrade to Hard.
Ben: I’m still a fan of Easy, myself.

May 06, 2008

Cory: [over text] How huge? 90% of my stuff fits in the closet… just need a lil one… u know, for guns and hooker bodies.

[in response to me telling him my friend has a huge dresser she's getting rid of... I lol'd on a bus at this]

April 11, 2008

Jeff: I can’t turn left. I’m not an ambi-turner.

[Like Zoolander]

April 06, 2008

[Facebook message]
Luke: That was weird running into you and Ori today.
Shannon: How is it weird running into someone on 6th and 6th? It’s like guaranteed!

[it's a well-known fact that if you are at 6th and 6th for any length of time, you will run into at least 3 people you know, whether you want to or not.]

April 04, 2008

Eva: I could put some espresso in your coffee. It won’t kill you.
Customer dude: [dramatically] Oh, please kill me.
Shannon: That’ll be an extra $5 charge.
Customer dude: [pause] I like the cut of your jib, sailor.

[this guy and his friend totally made my day, just cuz they were so awesome and nice.]

March 28, 2008

Ben: If it makes you feel any better, yours is the only XBOX I’ve had my dick in.

March 27, 2008

Kristin Wagner: Drugs are easy to get. You don’t always need a prescription. Sometimes you just need a credit card. Or a good contact.

March 26, 2008

Allan Majdanac: Some of you have a TI Business calculator. You’ll notice there’s no reciprocal trig function button. You, are SCREWED. Get a new calculator!

March 04, 2008

[guy walking behind me and Cory talking on his phone]

Dude: You sound like you’re at home eating celery like a brontosaurus.

February 29, 2008

Shannon: I’ve been using Anbesol and it numbs the hell out of my mouth.
Eva: Know what else numbs the hell out of your mouth? Blow.

Ben: Happy Sadie Hawkins’ Day. May feminism only rear its ugly head once every 4 years.

Ben: I’ve never had boobs.
Hayley: You should try them, they’re fun!